The John Smith Arm Maneuver

AH. The first date. The awkward and entirely fraudulent giggles. The baby-boomer humor begins. It's obvious. It's the "cat in the tu-tu" type of funny. You know that deep down inside, you're not really finding the conversation enlightening or jocular in any manner. How do you avoid it? You go to the one place where conversation (along with cellular usage) is taboo - the movies. Or as Courtney and I like to call them, cinematic features. You like the guy, he likes you. Why you like each other is an entirely different matter, for at this point the only thing connecting the two of you to one another is the unadulterated sexual attraction (this holds true to every human being...it's biology, people). The arm rest. The arm rest......what to do about that blasted arm rest? Either you raise the arm rest permitting a full breech of desperation on both ends (Generally this ends VERY badly unless you are in a committed relationship with the other person), or you hold hands without acknowledging the fact that you are indeed holding hands. The palms condensate with nerves and angst alike. All the more reason to AVOID the holding of hands on the first movie date. The solution is simple.
Ladies and Gentlemen.....I give you the John Smith Arm Maneuver.
The maneuver is easy to engage in without crossing any relationship lines. It lets each other know that you enjoy the other's presence as well as allots for a minimal amount of physical contact. "John Smith" can be substituted with any individual of your choosing. Unfortunately, for Courtney and I, every man until this point in our lives remains a John Smith in our minds. Vague and inadequate memories. Back to the maneuver. Both arms on the arm rest. The distal side of both arms are touching. Perhaps even just elbows. No mushy mushy. Plain and simple, and not crossing any flirtatious lines. As I believe, flirting is reserved for conversation, not movies. Therefore, this maneuver provides you with the optimal amount of connection for the event. SO much can be said in SO little of a touch. It signifies mere attraction, which is all that is needed to be signified at this point in the first date process. Try it out; success is guaranteed.

To every John Smith. Whether he be mine or yours. (or she for any males that may be reading this).

Conversantly yours,
Jackie.